Mental health: let's call it what it is!

On the eve of publishing of my first solo book “Who called you Crazy? You’re having a Spiritual Awakening!” (out on 8th August) I’m sat thinking back through the many years of process, self-denial, frustration and terror at the thought of finishing and launching this book, and sharing my thoughts and feelings. 

It’s nothing new. (Is there anything new under the sun anyway?).

But it’s new for me to say things, and mean them, and claim the right to do so.

You see, when I got sectioned, whatever I was going through (which to me was a wondrous awakening to my psychic abilities and accessing streams of information, like the mind of God, and have heard other people speaking of similar experiences), was largely ignored and poo-pooed by those around me as crazy, high, grandiose.

And the more I was “told off” and suppressed, the stronger the urge to tell people, defend this place of awe, and explain that I was ok. 

And of course, that when down like a lead balloon. 

So my beautiful inner-world experience was largely squashed and in it’s place came a hefty dose of PTSD caused by the very people who were meant to help. 

And the irony was, I knew that during this phase of awakening, I was also releasing years of suppression by the current modern way of life, a school system who drove any creativity out of us by years of forced stillness and silence, and where asking questions was seen an impertinence by the teachers who couldn't answers your questions.   

Through the writing and editing of the book, I released so many of the old emotions that weren’t allowed or welcomed back then, only seen as more fuel to the fire of my “crazy”.

I have been releasing PTSD from my childhood that got buried by the trauma inflicted in my adulthood by an outdated, archaic and ignorant system. Sorry, not sorry. 

There is a lot of ignorance and arrogance in that system, and I know, because in a way, I've carried that same energy but connect to my my spiritual awareness. I knew enough, but not enough. And any amount of that type of energy is dangerous. It makes us cock-sure but ignorant of our own ignorance. Ugh!

Let’s call mental health what it is. 

PTSD manifesting in many different ways. Wether you’re controlled by demons (your own or entities attaching to the place in your who’ve been traumatised) and you’re called schizophrenic, or you’re experiencing a kundalini awakening and called manic, with your early life trauma getting blasted away by the super strong energy coming to Earth these days, or you’re depressed because of the suppressing system we live in.... 

The root is the same: Trauma. 

Trauma, manifesting in different coping mechanisms (addictions or depression), awakenings that aren’t being integrated because our modern culture has no place for spiritual wisdom and understanding, or multiple personas to cope with the chaos of a challenging upbringing or a culture you don’t fit into. 

I realised through this book project I was pissed off. Not all to do with what happened, but more to do with how people handled me. Like I was a leper. Family who hushed the whole thing aside but didn’t actually want to know anything about my journey, and friends how told me “you’re not as weird as they think you are, you know”. (Thanks for that love). 

URGH!

I KNEW it was trauma releasing from my system as my psychic senses were begin activated and my chakras were opening: too open you might say, but there’s no need for judgement. I’ve had enough of that in my life. 

I knew what was happening and no-one else seemed to care, or understand, and I was made to feel like a waster, an idiot, a fool, someone to pity or despair for. Someone without hope!

Let me correct myself there, though it felt like my world had turned against me, actually, there were two ladies who helped me. They were the saving grace of the archaic system, and helped me get out of the clutches the shrink and walk my own path. Thank you, I'll be forever grateful for your understanding and wisdom that allowed my wisdom to be heard too.

Nearly twenty years after being told I’d be sectioned every year for the rest of my life if I didn’t take medication, I’m here, speaking, running wellbeing events, and sharing my words of wisdom in multiple book projects. 

I was arrogant in those days. It was a defence against the tyranny of always being the wrong one. And I can feel the whispers of that righteous anger still as I continue to release that which had no safe space back then.

“You’re talking too quickly”. (Why couldn’t people keep up?).

“You’re not grounded”. (Why don’t you open your crown chakra or have some compassion for why I’m not grounded - SA when I was 4). 

“You’re so X”.

Why was it ok for everyone to point things out to me, but I didn’t do the same. Why was my  experience, that was potentially beyond their comprehension, wrong? Why was I wrong but they were ok?

I digress. 

My frustration with the mental health system and culture is that it could be called a “trauma healing” system. 

No more shaming and pity with “Ahhh, you have mental health problems do you?”. 

Er. Excuse me. I was born in the 20th century in a soul-less society run by sociopaths. Yes, I do have a problem, sorry if that’s not ok with you. 

Yes, I was touched by my music teacher in a way that made my skin crawl, shamed by teachers who couldn't answer my innocent questions, teased mercilessly for my height (6ft 1 at the age of 13) by school people. 

Yes, I was bullied for being clever and having instruments with me on the school bus. 

Yes, I was terrified to go on that bus every day until I was the one of the back seat and there was no one to terrorise me. 

Yes, I was terrified to go out in case I got harassed, until I was big enough to find out how to puff myself up like a man so no man would dare to harass me again. 

Urgh. 

I don’t have mental health problems. I have “living in a topsy turvy world, facing a tonne of personal karma and doing my best to deal with it, sorry if I don’t always function like a a worker-drone robot while I process the first half of my life”. 

Let’s call mental health problems what it is: trauma, the coping with, healing with and processing of.  

And then we can let go of any self- or other- shaming, and get on with the task in hand: healing ourself, our world and each other with oodles of compassion and kindness!

If you were triggered by anything I wrote today, please do reach out to me through emailing carolinemaryandrews@hotmail.com or speak to a trusted friend, journal out your feelings, to give them a voice, or phone mental health crisis line: 111 option 2. 

If you would like support through my coaching offerings which are a deeply healing and nurturing space for you to explore things and come to peace, reach out at my email or book yourself a session through the website page: