Winter hasn’t always been easy for me, and I hadn’t realised how at peace I was with it, until a friend and client bought the subject to the table.
i recounted back to myself the years I would be in agony over the winter months, working, sleeping smoking and little else. I was lonely, hurting and directionless. Seriously depressed in a town I loathed (of course as a reflection of my own self loathing), and felt pretty hopeless.
The summers were spent partying and enjoying festivals, dancing all day and night, creating new clothes to wear and backdrops to adorn the marquees we’d put up for our parties. There was camaraderie and kinship in the festival scene, a gathering of the “weird ones”, we who broke out of the system clung together in our subculture.
And yet, as the winter drew near, deep depression would kick in: the dark nights meaning less parties, less festivals and suddenly you were left with yourself. Left with a life without a party, and without meaning.
You see, from a young age, there was an ache in my heart to make my life count and yet the self-loathing, fear, shame and cluelessness about how to go about living with purpose, or how to action the many ideas I had about improving the world, meant I stayed stuck, trying my best to serve those I encountered along the way, and yet really, my inner world felt empty, and the world around me stark and un-supporting.
I’d had visions of God, moment of divine encounter that peppered my life with hope and faith, yet I hadn’t learn to pray, to heed my intuition, to ask for help, to ask for healing or support. It was a strange time of youthful exuberance with nowhere to channel the energy that would come to me during my morning yoga sessions. Life was perplexing and the winters sucked!
Winter was the time when the inner conflicts and shame would turn the volume up, with less beats to drown it out, less sunshine to bask in and less people to distract yourself with.
At some time during the last 10 years, I realised that I had resisted winter and I started to accept it more and more, in the same way as I learned to accept my cycle (moon cycle). Then I started to love the winter months, and appreciate all that it gives.
You see, if we allow ourselves to ebb and flow with nature, we allow the natural ebbing and flowing of our energy, our activity levels, and we neither fight them nor resist. It just is.
In the winter months, it’s a time to draw in, to hibernate, to let go of the old and make way for the light that returns on the solstice. It's a time to celebrate the hard work of the year, whether thats our inner work, harvest work, work with our children, however that looks to you. It could be moving thorough a tough personal challenge.
I’ve learn that it’s ok to slow down, to take of the shiny summer outer self, and drawn within and enjoy the comfy warm clothes of winter, to enjoy the gentle winter walks thought mud and fallen leaves. A time to enjoy the changing colours of the leaves before the fall, and a time to look forwards to silvery glistening mornings of frost and snow. YUM!
What a release! And what a change from those years of dread and sadness in the winter months!
And so, if you have found it challenging to appreciate and enjoy the winter months, I invite you to consider the following questions about the autumn and winter months, and see if you can find peace with the winter:
1. What do I resist about winter? Can I remember when this feeling started?
2. What else do I dislike about winter? Can I write it all out, and allow the feelings to move through me as I do?
3. What do I enjoy about the darker months? How can I embrace this more to create more enjoyment during these months?
4. What can I change about my routines to support me to enjoy the winter months more?
5. Do I have any fears about this time of year that I’ve never spoken out loud?
If you'd like support to Come to Peace with Winter, drop me a message on carolinemaryandrews@hotmail.com and see if we can create a new winter experience for you.
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