I write this blog in answer to seeing so many memes about “narcissists” and people with “spiritual egos”, so often the butt of mirth or scorn. Yet can we find compassion for ourselves, the parts in us who tend towards the superior when threatened with a feeling of inferiority? Can we let go of the need to point the finger, and call things out, instead create a place where people can find their own “faults” within a kind and gentle community that invites compassion rather than finger pointing and judgement….
When we awaken to the grace of God, the love of God, the enormity of God, and access the Divine mind, it is, indeed a little mind blowing. It is also heart-blowing, in the sense that you feel so much love, so much understandings and power, all at once, that it really does take some time to integrate.
So, why do some people walk towards God with peace in their Hearts and others develop messiah complex?
My feeling is, that some of us really had such a low self opinion and low self worth that when we open up to this love, we really believe that we must be special to have found God, to have accessed some of these understandings and to feel so good.
We feel like a chosen one, because it feels so good, and we suddenly feel wanted, loved, needed: all the things we may never have quite received in our lives until then.
Gulp.
I write this from the experiences I’ve had through my own awakenings that were so profound and so early in my life that I had no real way to integrate them. I looked at the world I saw and wondered why people acted the way they did. I pondered why I’d had these visions and hadn’t heard of anyone else that spoke of these experiences.
“I must be special,” thinks my 7 year old self.
What to do about it has taken 42 years of contemplating to find out a few things:1 - I’m not special I just happened to have some prayers answers!
2 - Way many people have revelations all the time - I just didn’t know it pre internet!
3 - I didn’t realise wanting to be special was my wounded self wanting to make up for a feeling of lack.
I\m not writing this to blame anyone. I’m acknowledging the thirst for belonging, for community, for our tribe is a great one, and if we didn’t feel part of something, a group, our family, or community, and we suddenly feel great, we may believe, that we have found something special.
These moments of inspiration are what inspired people to go to foreign lands and do great work: like the missionaries of old inspired to do “God’s work”, because the believe they’ve found something to share: God’s word and love.
And in this modern day, the only thing that sets apart modern spiritual teachers, missionaries and the person with a messiah-like complex, is really only how much integration they've done after their call to God, and how they show up in the world.
So, please bless us and forgive us: forgive those of us who have carried a tiny seed of “thinking we’re special” because really, it’s inversely proportional to the low worth we’re carrying, and indeed how different we felt in the grace of God.
I see people writing and speaking about narcissists in a derogatory way, with much the same scorn as those with an inflamed, spiritual ego, the messiah complex, yet if we move forwards compassion, move towards seeking understanding, then all we ever will see is someone who is trying to find a way to deal with feeling so low, bad, or shameful for one reason or another.
The facade of feeling better than, best, or great, is a thin and brittle mask that is all too easy to cling to, because the feelings underneath are just too hard bear.
I know, because I’ve been there and questioned “Am I a narcissist?”, plenty of times, only to be told “You can’t be because you’re asking that question”.
It’s very kind of people to be reassuring, but I know I’ve had a split in my ego, superior part kicking in every time the inferior part feels threatened. It’s been a challenge to face these aspects and love them all into a whole: a work in progress to be sure.
And this is why I write this blog, in the hope that someone, somewhere reads this and finds a little bit of compassion for themselves or that person they know who's got a chip or two on their shoulder: for you may never know the pain they carry in their heart and soul.
Let’s be kind, shall we?
How do we integrate a messiah complex or spiritual ego?
Understanding that when we’re opened our crown chakra, we have indeed opened to the light, love, power and mind of God, and in some way, we ARE feeling special because that energy IS incredible.
Understand how to shut the door and let ourselves come back from this immense energy high and integrate all we’ve found, for ourselves, and if we feel to share the wisdom we’ve received, for others, in a grounded way that others can understand
Understand the nature of revelation: some will understand you but others will not, because our revelations are for us, and not others. If you feel to share/teach what you’ve received, use a channel that give viewers the option to turn you off = i.e. through a youtube channel or podcasts, rather than at a dinner party where people aren’t really digging the spiritual vibe. (Yup, my experience of course!)
Expect rejection if you don’t “read the room”, when people who are not wanting your revelations at that moment. This is not a full rejection, it is just that they are not ready to receive your “good news” at that time. That is their free will, and mastery means realising that it’s ok to be in different places in our journey.
Ground your energy through breath, rest, sleep.
Acknowledge that it’s hard to “let go” of the immense energy you’ve connected to, but you must! Turning down the channel of divine/cosmic energy down is essential to stay grounded and is why in shamanic practise we open and close the sacred space, returning to the “mundane” world, after we’ve been in ceremony.
Acknowledge that we might want to stay in this high vibe energy and that’s ok - but begin to explore why we want to stay there and how we can bridge the gap and step down into our earthly life and integrate with other people - otherwise we can expect rejection, sectioning etc because other people don’t want to hear Radio X 24/7. This is about discernment!
Write, if need be, to get everything you’ve received down on paper, and then you can integrate it at your leisure.
Know that this is YOUR journey and therefore it’s your responsibility to integrate int he best way possible, and there will be lessons along the way! GREAT!
There are of course many ways of integrating aspects of our ego, and with all the forms of healing out there today, we can find the right person and method that works for us. The biggest wish in my heart is that we approach ourselves and each other with love and compassion - something I’ve struggled to show myself when these aspects have appeared!
Let’s make kindness the new norm, to ourselves and others.
So much love,
Caroline x
If you’ve had an incredible spiritual awakening and are struggling to integrate, need to speak to someone or would like assistance to get grounded through angelic healing or coaching, please do reach out to me at openglotusliving.com/contact and ask for an informal session. Sometimes we just need to be heard by someone who “gets it”!
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